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UNDEAD M.U.S.C.L.E FOUND IN GUM MACHINE!"At Toys R Us here (by the way I am from Little Rock, AR, in the Southern part of the United States) they have a row of what we call "quarter machines" which I am sure you have too. Well, one particular machine was filled with rubber robots and dinosaurs (including some bootlegs of Godzilla monsters, another favorite past-time of mine), when suddenly, after depositing a quarter, a pink MUSCLE came out !!!"
M.U.S.C.L.E enthusiast stunned!
Reports are coming in that rather than petitioning for the return of M.U.S.C.L.E, sinister gum machine cartels have taken the law into their own hands, boots and legs to bring back M.U.S.C.L.E. This from our Toys R Us correspondant, Brant Snell:
Stunned"I was stunned---it was the identical size, shape, it even matched a MUSCLE on my poster!!! The machine contained bootleg MUSCLEs !! All these years later, somewhere in Hong Kong or something, some sweat-shop is making molds of a toy they assume to be long-forgotten !!" Floppier"The only difference (besides some being lighter pink) is that they are much floppier and not as hard rubber......but one out of the 8 or 10 I bought was identical in consistency !!" Gone"Unfortunately, that quarter machine full of robots is long gone...I often meant to get a roll or quarters and empty it...and I must've bought half of its contents.."
Emminent M.U.S.C.L.E historian Thomas Wilson of the University of Turmoil, claims that official M.U.S.C.L.E also used to be avaliable in machines:
"MUSCLE men were also sold individually in gum-ball machines inside little plastic bubbles. I only found such a machine once (outside of a Toys R Us) and regret to this day that I had no change on me. I have vainly searched the world for such a marvelous machine ever since. That would have made the individual ones 25 cents I suppose."
The Thought Police are appalling to members of public to come forward with any information about this mystery. If you have seen any small pink people acting suspiciously in the vincinity of any gumball machines, contact the special M.U.S.C.L.E squad. You don't have to leave your name, and you could recieve a crass reward.
This just in! Another bootleg, now safely in po-lice custody thanks to Darrin!
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